Tips for Avoiding Sibling Rivalry
When A New Baby Arrives
1. Make friends before birth. To a young child, out of sight is out of mind, an unseen baby is unthreatening. Let him pat your tummy, talk to the baby, feel baby kick, talk about and plan for baby.
2. Replay your child's babyhood. Page through his/her baby book, photo album, talk about his/her birth, coming home, nursing, diapers, etc. Prepare child for new baby.
3. Foreshadow baby's coming. Prepare child for changes in your availability. "Babies need help, babies need nursed, tiny babies need mommies all the time, not like big kids."
4. Include child in birth festivities. Ask for help getting ready, planning a party, buying a toy.
5. Include gift for sibling. Keep a few small gifts tucked away for child when visitors bring baby presents. Or, let child open the baby's gifts and test the toys!
6. Time share. Sharing mommy is hard, especially if under 3 years of age. Sit on the floor, read books to child while nursing. Place baby on floor and play with the child, this entertainsthe baby, too. Three-four year olds can entertain babies with funny sounds and faces. Mommies can see this and verbalize, "The baby likes you!" Some moms bond poorly with new baby for fear of hurting their older child's feelings - watch for this.
7. Make child feel important. Give them a job, a fun job, "Mommy 's helper" or "Toy Master". Perhaps it could be a compensated job.
8. Be open to child's feelings. Encourage open feelings. "Sometimes I bet you wish it were just you and me again". Feelings lose intensity once understood as normal and accepted.
9. What's in it for me? Children see no "win" to a new baby, only loss as they lost center stage. Revive "special one-on-one time" without the baby, time for only big kids. Even 15 minutes a day of holding makes a difference.
10. Protect both children's needs. Safety over psychology! No hitting! Acknowledge angry feelings, but do not allow hitting. Children under 2 have difficulty controlling impulses.
11. The baby crawls. Often rivalry begins when the baby begins to crawl. Warn the child what trouble babies can get into, including his/her toys, explain it's not personal. Teach him to give the baby the baby's toys.
12. Regression. Let the child regress to babyhood, give him/her a bottle, diapers, baby food, no pizza, numerous naps, no TV, no big kid toys. Being a baby gets old fast.
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