Tips for Companioning Bereaved Children
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Assess personal grief history and how it influences biases and perspectives on loss.
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Be careful not to project that children will (or should ) feel exactly as we do.
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Prepare the child for what they can expect in a new situation.
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Don’t assume that if a child is not talking about loss it hasn’t affected them.
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Show affection and let them know that they are loved and will be taken care of.
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Short term regressive behaviors are normal. Offer presence and support.
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Respect wavelike quality in children’s capacity to mourn.
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Model expression of your own feelings and memories.
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Encourage child to teach you of his/her memories.
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Allow involvement in memorial rituals.
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Be mindful of significant dates/holidays.
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Be careful not to encourage hyper-maturity.
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Respond to inquiries honestly and lovingly.
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Provide youth with terms for some of their feelings.
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Children commemorate who and what was lost in ways uniquely meaningful to them.
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Provide opportunities for silence, talk, creative expression, construction, physical activity, writing, reading, etc.
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Allow time to grieve, And more time.
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Offer constructive outlets for a range of emotions related to grief.
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Tolerate some acting out IF it is not harming self or others (withdrawal is a very common adolescent response to grief in the short term).
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Access support groups.
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Allow and encourage 'search for meaning' questions.
Remember, IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE ANSWERS.
Ideas compiled by Tina Barrett, Ed.D., LCPC and Tim Ballard, M.A., from books by Wolfelt, Trozzi, and Doka.