Why do step kids not like their step parent?
They feel disloyal to their biological parent
They don’t know if there is enough love for everyone
Realistic Expectations:
Don’t expect to be accepted immediately
Don’t expect that you will love these kids
Don’t expect that you can solve all the problems
Jealousy:
The Step Kids will be jealous of you
You may be jealous of the kids & the relationship your partner has with them; there may be competition for the spouse’s attention
The Intruder:
The Step Parent may be seen as an intruder into the family, which may create jealousy and territory disputes.
Remember –What kids want is for the original family to be reunited and everyone to live happily ever after.
Discipline and Love:
The Step Parent wants the child(ren) to love them, however this relationship may take years to develop
Remember your own children don’t love you all the time either
The Step Parent has the right to discipline; you will be one of the series of disciplinarians in their life
Partners should have a united front when it comes to discipline
If the Step Parent can’t discipline they may feel powerless
Step Parent Guilt:
It’s ok – you don’t have to love the stepchildren the way you do your own children
Primary Relationship in any family…
Is the love relationship between the adults
If this relationship is cohesive & happy then the kids will adjust more easily
The Absentee Parent:
Realize you cannot change the other parent
The child will both idealize the absentee parent and have a natural rage and anger toward that parent
Often the anger and rage of the child gets directed at the step parent or the other biological parent
Helping the child grieve the loss the loss of the absentee parent may help
Remember:
Be honest in your feelings
Establishing a relationship takes time